BDSM parties : a guide
BDSM parties can seem daunting, and not knowing what’s going to happen or how to behave can hold you back.
This guide is designed to give you all the keys you need.
What to know before going to a BDSM party?
Keep in mind that, in this article, we make a distinction between BDSM parties (focused on practice), and munch parties (focused on dialogue), which will be detailed in another article.
What to wear at BDSM parties?
You’ll need to respect the theme of the evening, if there is one. Themes are generally detailed in the event announcement.
As well as the dress code. This will generally be indicated in the announcement, or on the website of the venue or association.
When in doubt, don’t hesitate to contact the organizers, who will usually be happy to tell you what to wear.
Most of the time, black dress clothes (no jeans) and black dress shoes (no sneakers) are the accepted minimum.
Please note! In some venues, nudity is not allowed; this will usually be indicated in the event announcement.
There will often be a place to change if your can’t wear your outfit in the « vanilla world » before coming to the party. But it’s best to ask for confirmation before coming.
Your first step at a BDSM party
Ask about payment for admission – some parties require a reservation, others do not.
For your first BDSM party at an event or club, don’t hesitate to tell the organizers or managers that it’s your first time there. They’ll usually show you around and briefly explain what goes on.
They may even introduce you to some of the regulars.
There’s usually a checkroom where you can leave any belongings you don’t need for the evening.
Tip for getting a feel for the place: if you arrive at the opening, there won’t be many people around, so you’ll be able to get a feel for the place at your leisure.
How do you approach other people at a BDSM party?
Make sure that the person(s) you wish to talk to isn’t busy.
During a scene, a practice or an aftercare, be sure to keep a respectful distance, and wait until the end before addressing the practitioners, even if it’s to congratulate them, or to propose yourself.
The moments of sharing between two practitioners and their aftercare are precious and important.
Don’t be insistent, don’t touch, and above all don’t masturbate in front of a performer unless you’ve been explicitly authorized to do so.
How do you address other people at a BDSM party?
Avoid at all costs “Master” or “Mistress”, “submissive” or “slave” when addressing someone at first sight. Even if you’re dealing with someone who’s clearly in a position of domination or submission.
These terms generally correspond to a very specific D/s relationship.
It’s better to ask the person what their name is, or how to address them.
What should we talk about at a BDSM party?
First of all, keep in mind that even if you’re in a kinky/BDSM place, other people aren’t there to fulfill your fantasies. And this applies whether you’re Dominant, Switch or Submissive.
So first of all, talk to human beings. You can simply introduce yourself, or ask what the other person calls you. The theme of the evening can provide interesting topics for discussion.
If the two of you hit it off, you can find out what the other person might like, and what might suit you too.
Don’t be too fixated on the kink aspect: vanilla topics can also be very interesting, and help you integrate more into the community, which can in turn open you many doors.
How to practice BDSM evenings?
Once someone wants to practice with you, and you want them to, it’s time to set up a framework to ensure the necessary emotional and physical security.
Indicate, and ask the other person their limits, if these need to be taken into account in the planned practice (there’s no point in saying you can’t stand scato for a whipping session, but if you can’t stand blood or marks, this will be relevant).
The most commonly used safeword is color-coded:
- Green : It’s all right, we can go harder.
- Orange : It’s getting difficult, I’m on the verge of my limits
- Red : It’s too much, or there’s a problem, and we need to stop.
The safeword can also simply be “No” or “Stop”.
Agree on what will and won’t be used.
Then all you have to do is find a place to practice.
Depending on the location, some places are more for talking and eating, others more for practicing.
In other places, everything is mixed.
Please note! Explicitly sexual practices are not permitted at all parties, or are restricted to specific venues. It’s best to find out beforehand.
As far as BDSM practices are concerned, there’s usually plenty of furniture available. If there’s none available, just wait, or settle down on an armchair or against a wall, if there’s enough room and the venue allows it.
What to do after a BDSM session at a party?
It’s good manners to thank the other person, or at least to talk about what you’ve shared, but this will also depend on the feeling between you.
If you’re a Submissive or Switch, only kiss the Dominant or Switch’s feet (even if it’s to thank them) if they specifically allow you to, or ask you to.
It’s not a must either, if it’s not asked for or if it goes beyond your limits.
You can also offer a drink as a thank-you, and use the opportunity to debrief, if you like.
And don’t forget the aftercare.
This guide will certainly enable you to approach BDSM parties more serenely, the main watchword being Respect. Respect others, respect yourself, and enjoy.
Want to find out more about the BDSM community? Visit us here
Ask any questions you may have in the comments, and I’ll be happy to answer them.
And if you liked this article, don’t hesitate to share it.
0 Comments