How do I meet a Dominatrix on the Internet?

This is one of the questions most frequently asked by submissives, often in search of that rare pearl ready to submit them. Following the article “How to address an online dominatrix”, I received many requests to complete the subject, so here it is.

Many submissives, few dominatrixes

First of all, it’s important to distinguish between the various Dominatrices you’ll find on the Internet.

In descending order of what you’ll find:

1. Pure scams: the most common, these are not Dominatrices, and most of the time aren’t even women.
2. Moneymiss: these are women, but their focus is more on fetishism, their interest being monetary.
3. Professional Dominatrix: these are real dominatrixes, who have made a living of it. Their interest is in finding customers for their professional account.
4. Lifestyle Dominatrix: these are dominatrixes with a wide variety of interests on the net.

You’ll notice that Dominatrices come bottom of the ranking, even more so if they’re “lifestyle”.

In fact, the Dominatrix/submissive ratio is extremely disproportionate. According to Fetlife statistics (see article BDSM sites to know), the number of submissives is high, while that of Dominatrices is quite low.

Statistics for men

Statistics for women

There are many reasons for this, mainly social, which I won’t go into here.

Having said that, you’ll need to keep in mind the Dominatrix/submissive ratio, which requires much more effort on your part than a vanilla* search.

For the sake of clarity, in this article I’ll only cover the Dominatrix lifestyle. Please note that if you’re looking for a professional Dominatrix, many of the points presented here may also be useful to you, in order to please her.
Also, most of the points concern submissive man/Dominatrix woman interactions, although some parts are also useful for other relationships.

How do you introduce yourself to a Dominatrix?

Before you even think about introducing yourself to a Dominatrix, you’ll need to introduce yourself at all.

Be sure to complete your profile, as it’s often consulted when you ask a Dominatrix to send you a message.

To complete a profile, think above all about what might interest a Dominatrix, and a “lifestyle” Dominatrix won’t just be interested in your fantasies, but above all in your personality. Also detail your passions and what you think or would like to be able to bring to this kind of relationship.

There’s no need to mention the size of your sex, and avoid humiliating remarks, even if it’s your kink*.

Talk about yourself as a person, not as a fantasist.

What photos to share with a Dominatrix?

Profile photos are also important. Here are the do’s and don’ts

Do

• Sensual, polished photographs. Sensual doesn’t mean sexual. Try to show your body at its best, work on poses and lighting. Take lots of them and select the best ones
• Photographs of previous practices or situations. Keep them sensual, not crude.
• Photographs in nice clothes, with a certain class, or in fetish outfits. Something you could wear to a BDSM party.

Don’t

• Dick pic or anus photos. If you want to put off dominatrixes, there’s no such thing.
  Remember that Domination is above all psychological, we’re not interested in penises or anuses of people we don’t know.
• Humiliating photographs immediately classify you as a fantasist. Even those who enjoy humiliation tend to want to impose it themselves.
• Photographs that have nothing to do with BDSM, such as those of a family dinner or an evening out with friends, don’t fit the mood at all.
• Photographs taken in a hurry, badly framed, that don’t show you off at all.

How to talk to a dominatrix

Once you’ve written your profile, and chosen some nice photos, you can start chatting with Dominatrixes.

Remember, it’s always better to bond with the woman in front of you, the person, than to go straight to fantasy.
Just as you wouldn’t approach a Woman in the street with a “shall we fuck?”, don’t approach a Dominatrix by offering to submit.
The D/s relationship is first and foremost a relationship, and although it touches on many kinks* and fantasies, the relational bond is its basis.

I therefore advise you to take an active part in community discussions, to interact with submissives, switchers and Dominatrices without trying to get them to submit you.

The more people you get to know in the community, and the smoother and more enjoyable the dialogues, the more likely you are to find and interact with someone who’s right for you.
I find Discord (see article BDSM sites to know) particularly suited to this kind of exchange. The platform is designed for live dialogue, mainly in writing.

Private messages

Once you’ve chatted in a group, or found a profile you’re particularly interested in on a site, it’s time to send a private message.
First of all, check that you don’t need to ask before sending the message, or that there isn’t a form to address the Lady.

As before, bear in mind that you’re addressing a person, not a fantasy.

And as I said at the outset, the Dominatrix/submissive ratio being extremely unbalanced against you, your message will be drowned out by those of other more or less pleasant “submissives”.
So it’s important to stand out from the crowd.

Really take the time to read the Dominant’s profile, her tastes, her desires, your shared passions, etc…

Then write a personalized message. Don’t copy and paste. Show that you’re interested in her, that you share common interests, and what you could bring her.
A Dominatrix will especially want to know that she’s interested in you, and won’t be wasting her time for nothing.

As for what title to call her by, it’s best to ask her directly what she prefers. The most common way is to address her as “Madam”, but not everyone will like it. Asking the question will enable you to address her in the best possible way.

Answer or not, what not to do

• Insulting the Dominatrix, or being unpleasant.
  It can happen that you write a well-crafted message, and get no reply, or just a “not interested”. Although this can be frustrating, remain courteous, as making yourself unpleasant to a Dominatrix risks being known to others as well, and getting you blacklisted.
• Be insistent. If a Dominatrix says no, or isn’t interested, or doesn’t respond at all, there’s no point in insisting.
  Consent works both ways, and you’ll only annoy her.
• Openly criticize the Dominatrix in the groups you share to get her to react.
  It’s pointless, and will give the rest of the community a bad impression of you.
• Tag the Dominatrix in shared groups or discussions to get her to notice you, even though she doesn’t reply to your messages. There’s no point in giving her the impression that you’re harassing her.

In conclusion, finding a Dominatrix on the Internet is very complicated, but this guide will help you make the most of your chances.

* vanilla” refers to non-BDSM relationships, practices or people.

*a kink is a fantasy, or at least a certain attraction to a thing or practice, triggering a certain excitement.

Ask any questions you may have in the comments, and I’ll be happy to answer them.
And if you liked this article, don’t hesitate to share it.